Glastonbury Alternatives: Ten Parties that’ll Make You Glad You Missed Tickets

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View of Glastonbury from the hill

View of Glastonbury from the hill

It’s a sad day. You’ve jumped through more hoops than the entire agility category of Crufts, trying to secure one of those magical passes to the biggest annual party on earth.

You tried the coach ticket sale, standard sale and both resales and still you had no joy. You even considered pawning your shiny new smart phone down at the local Crack Convertors on the high street to pay for one of those mythical VIP tickets that your ‘in the know’ friends are forever harping on about, but never seem to actually acquire.

Never mind, there’s more to life than watching the Glastonbury sunrise from the Stone Circle after a good night on the . Actually, maybe not. But face facts. Your name’s not down and you’re not getting in. So suck it up, dry your eyes and try your luck at one of these alternatives to the big event that have been carefully selected to cater for every type of Glastonbury goer, both vets and virgins alike.

Wychwood: Jun 03-05
You are the kind of Glastonbury goer who takes the whole family with you. After all, it’s your clan’s annual outing and you have at least three generations in tow as you descend on the Kidzfields, Circus area and William’s Green.

If that’s the case then you’ll love Wychwood festival beneath the rolling green Prestbury Hills in the grounds of the Cheltenham racecourse. It has been described as a bijoux Glastonbury, receiving nominations for the Best Family Festival award every year. Partake in a musical menu of World, Roots and Contemporary music with the likes of The Waterboys, 10cc, Bill Bailey and Idlewild for 2016.

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Isle of Wight: Jun 09-12
You are part of the patriots of the Pyramid stage, who stake claim to a spot of hill overlooking the great shrine and don’t budge for the entire weekend, taking in big names of the moment and the stars of yesteryear.

The Isle of Wight festival will quell your hunger for the top industry names. This party carries the widely acknowledged accolade of the European equivalent of Woodstock, delivering a weekend packed full of some real favourites both from now and then. One of the most legendary events in the UK calendar, this party has a pedigree that goes back all the way to the halcyon days of 1968 when Jefferson Airplane had everyone chasing White Rabbits.Find a spot, plant your flag and settle in for a weekend of The Who, Queen, Stereophonics, Faithless, Alabama 3, and Pendulum, to name a but few of the star studded gallery of tip top acts.View guide and buy tickets

Latitude: Jul 14 – 17
You prefer to spend your Glastonbury hovering around the spoken word, theatre and poetry tents like the culture vulture you are. You rarely camp with the plebs, instead opting for a more authentic nomadic yurt or tipi.

If it’s cultural diversity with all the trimmings that you’re after, then dig out your straw boater and head down to Latitude in the serene surroundings of Henham Park in Southwold.

Once heralded as Glastonbury’s little brother, the festival pays as much attention to theatre, comedy, dance, cabaret, poetry and literature as it does the fantastic live and late night music billings. There are tons of glamping offerings too, and even taxi services to get you about site if you’ve got the moolah.

Catch comedians Josh Widdicome and Paul Merton, theatre acts such as Improbable & Blind Summit, Gob Squad and Mel Giedroyc as part of a smorgasbord of excitement.  Add to this a soundtrack provided by New Order, Beirut, The National and The Maccebees, together with party starters Artful Dodger, Mike Skinner and David Rodigan and your festival fix will be sated.

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Larmer Tree: Jul 13 – 17
You like folk, world, Blues and Roots music and usually spend your time in the acoustic tent, drinking craft ales and eating artesian granary rolls. Glastonbury for you is about the tradition of British festivals, and exploring something that’s just the right distance from your emotional home.

In this case you’ll like the more than classic stylings of the Larmer Tree festival, which is one party that has stayed true to the original English festival feeling over its lifespan. Taking on an occupancy in the Victorian Gardens in Cranbourne Chase, the affair is so very laid back giving you hipsterish new age fun with vintage overtones.

You can even wrap your ears around some now laid back classic acts, including Jamie Cullum, Caro Emerald, Tom Odell, The Stranglers, Calexico and the Afro Celt Sound System.

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Secret Garden Party: Jul 21 – 24
Playful hedonism is your thing. You like to party hard, dress up, be totally silly and get involved. You like to run free and mix it up between the dance areas and the more hipster-like John Peel Tent, Park and Other stages.

Well, get ready to slap it on with a large portion of madness, because the Secret Garden party refines a heady draught of lunacy and manages to pipe in a whole load of imagination too. With sideshows ranging from the strange to the sublime, this is one place where you can let yourself go without the help of a single sherbet.

Set in the Cambridge countryside, you can get involved in dance off competitions or simply fall back into colourful fun with Sunday’s paint fight. It’s all you could ever want in terms of an out of this world vibe, with the theme for the year set to be the Gardener’s Guide to the Galaxy.

This year’s musical blend is another top notch selection with oldies like Air, Caribou and Primal Scream mixing it up with Submotion Orchestra, Maribou State, Jackmaster, Bicep and so many, many more.

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BoomTown: Aug 11 – 14
You’re the one sleeping all day so you can spend the night hours bouncing around Glastonbury’s Naughty Corner. Your best friend is a Tupperware box full of dried mushrooms, helping you get lost in the dark twists, turns and nano venues of Shangri La, whilst you’re chased by fluffy MDMA bunnies and lysergic rhinos.

Hailed as the UKs most immersive festival, the Shangri La inspired BoomTown is a pop-up party themed around a bizarre gold rush. Each district has a distinct theme and a strange neo-political slant if you’re spanked enough to read something into it. No effort has been left unspared in making this a true break from normality.

Temper the rush with your sanity as you slide into this world unreal. Skank with space cowboys and rave the night away with zombie pirates and even take a ride on a magic carpet. This year’s headliners include Madness, Damien Marley, Leftfield, Fat Freddy’s Drop, Parov Stellar and Levellers.

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Green Man: Aug 18 – 21
Is sitting around the Stone Circle, relaxing in the Greenfields and drinking nettle tea with the tree-protecting white witch your thing? Do you like feeling that playful and proactive affinity with everything nature wound in the festival?

Lovers of nature will appreciate the Green Man. The festival’s organiser previously worked for Glastonbury and there’s definitely a touch of the free-spirited vibes you’ll find at some corners of Worthy Farm. The party summons up the forces of the Lord of Misrule, giving everything a touch of the ancient Pagan traditions that have enchanted our ancient land since time immemorial.

Take part in green workshops, learn about the cosmos in Einstein’s Garden, drink down some beautiful natural views, and party with the some truly awesome music that complements the theme, listening to the likes of Belle & Sebastian, James Blake and Wild Beasts.

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Reading: Aug 25 – 28
You prefer the edgier side of the bill and spend most of your time at the Other stage, The Park or John Peel tent. You’re partial to a bit of debauched, rawkus behaviour, don’t mind pissing in a pint glass and think Green Peace is something to do with smoking weed while sitting in a quiet room.

Players on the party tip who don’t like to look too far left or right will love the big party vibes presented by the Reading festival. This is one of the rite of passage events in the UK calendar that you must see before you can call yourself in any way accomplished.

There’s plenty of big names that are definitely worth catching including Foals, Disclosure, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Biffy Clyro, Fall Out Boy and many more big names from the rockier and dancier side of the sonic spectrum.

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End Of The Road: Sep 02 – 04
Do you like to spend your Glastonbury ambling around at a leisurely pace stumbling across new and fresh Indie sounds? Do you find yourself stopping in to a few record fairs as you snake your way down to Somerset?

Get deep, deep down with the End Of The Road festival set in Larmer Tree Gardens in Dorset, where everything slows down to the rhythm of your heartbeat. You’ll fall into stage after tent of new sounds and progressive melodies, warming yourself into a phase where musical innovation seems no longer dead and buried.

This magical, chilled out and very friendly party has a vibe quite unlike any other where you can catch the likes of Joanna Newsom, Animal Collective, Bat for Lashes, Cat Power and Local Natives amongst this year’s line-up.

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Bestival: Sep 08-11
This was meant to be your moment to pop your Glasto cherry, but sadly for you your festival hymen remains intact, for now. You’re wiping away a tear from your eye as you look into the distance, wondering what that next elusive party might be on the horizon…

If this was set to be your first year at Glastonbury then Bestival is the next closest thing. It delivers that much sought after but often missed elusive old school bohemian boutique vibe, together with big acts, diversity in entertainment and a large dollop of outrageous atmosphere.

One of the last big festivals of the season, this event could provide the final chance of the summer to grab that crazy feeling. Hosted by Rob Da Bank the event retains the quintessentially 1960s English  vibe that many other festivals attempt to replicate but never seem to deliver.

With a reputation for being brave enough to try out new acts alongside some of the biggest names in the game this years line-up features Major Lazer, The Cure and Hot Chip and a heap of Dance acts such as Bicep, The Black Madonna and the Hospitality crew to keep you dancing for 72 hours.

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